All of us have dreams and aspirations we want to reach! Many of us have life goals and plans we've laid out. We also know that life has a funny way of doing things! As the famous saying goes by Robert Burns, " the best laid plans often go awry".
I had so many goals I wanted to achieve growing up (and still do), hardly any of them were realistic but it's the thought that matters. So as I got older and began having more and more health complications it was hard to keep my "anything is possible" disposition. Especially when doctors who have went to school for years couldn't figure out what was going on, even world known surgeons! It was hard to keep a positive disposition during this time, everything in life felt so dreary. I would wonder what is the point of things? If I am struggling to make it through high school what is the point of college? If I can't do college my shot at the career I want is super low. I went into a pretty rapid spiral of negative thoughts, this being the absolute lowest time in my life thus far. Fast forward from 2019 to 2023 I am back and better than before! I was a long process to reach my Chiari malformation (brain) surgery but it was worth the wait. I am now pursuing college again and working!
In reflection, I now know why life made me wait. I was so frantic, in the thick of hustle culture. I thought I had to achieve all these goals and maybe I would somehow receive validation. I'll mention that I used to have such bad self-confidence, but this period of rest helped with that too. Life saw the burnout I had headed towards me before I did. Right after high school I went straight into college classes at my local school. On top of that I was working at a daycare and playing softball and I now had three horses. So all my time was packed, and not to mention all of this was done with a malfunctioning body. I was pushing myself into exhaustion that couldn't be fixed. Friends, family, and even my pets were noticing the toll it was putting one me. I didn't have the time nor mental capacity to hang out with friends, any "free time" was spent sleeping. My family started commenting on my mood swings and irritability quite frequently. About 2020 I had recently adopted my mare, Delilah. She is the most sensitive horse I have ever met and I have met hundreds. It worked in our favor that I haven't really ridden these past two years, much to my dismay. I was way to focused on what I wanted to achieve and not what she needed. Which was also time to rest and simply connect with me as an owner. I have taken this time to improve my knowledge and aim for connection and not achievements. I can't imagine the relationship we would have if not for this pause. We work as a fluid pair now not a forced relationship.
I also have developed a much deeper relationship with the universe. I take the time to really appreciate and take in the world around me. Before I ran through doing as much as possible when truly we are only here to live, not accomplish. I saw that I was putting too much pressure on myself and allowed myself to relax. This greatly affected my confidence. I stopped needing outside validation and found myself at an intrinsic level.
So when life throws a "wrench" in your plans take a moment to reflect and find out why. Are you like me and trying to pour from an empty cup? Are you falling into a false hustle culture? Do you need to be kinder to yourself or others? Life is giving you the opportunity to grow and change. Life wants our highest good, this doesn't mean it will always give us what we want. Normally the opposite, it gives us what we need. Even if it pisses us off in the moment. I think of the universe like a parent, they won't always coddle us because they want our highest growth as well.
Thank you for the endless support!
- Madison <3